


Invisible Ink

by fakehaunting



Series: Inked [1]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Sexual Content, POV First Person, True Love, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27183982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakehaunting/pseuds/fakehaunting
Summary: A painting that held the image of a girl that was washed away with the sea of alcohol that she had tried to hide away in, slowly drowning. I wished that I could save her but at that point I knew that she was beyond reach even for me. My long fingers, no matter how far they were extended,  were not enough then. I feared they never would be, but I crushed that fear down until it was no longer screaming in my mind, so that I could love her more.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: Inked [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988686
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	Invisible Ink

“Why do you work here?” she asked in a curious voice. It was the first time that she’d ever spoken to me though she’d come to the bar hundreds of times. 

“Why does anyone work anywhere?” I replied and put her favourite drink on the counter; a vodka straight. I had seen her order it from other people enough times to know that it was the only thing she ever drank. 

“Money?” she guessed.

“Added benefit.” 

“So you have other reasons for working at this place? I would’ve thought that you needed the money like most of the people here.”

“Who says that I have to have a reason? Maybe I just want to work here.” 

She snorted and took the drink from the counter. “Yeah right. No one wants to work at a bar. Especially not one with this kind of reputation; it puts people off.”

“If it’s so rotten here why do you always show up?” I didn’t look up even once as I asked her this. I didn’t have to; a random customer asking questions was nothing new. Alcoholics always wanted someone to listen to them or even just a person to focus on to take them out of their own problems. 

As a bartender that was my job; pour the alcohol and listen to the problems. 

“I thrive here. You could do much better.” 

“I’m sure.” I heard her walk away and I began to wipe down the counter. It was important to keep things as orderly as possible or else I’d have to deal with a mess later. I wasn’t someone who really cared much for dealing with unnecessary problems; I had enough of my own to deal with. 

As for her question, I didn’t mind working at a bar that was always knee deep in legal trouble and filled with crooked officials, law enforcement, and the like. I made good money and had my pick of the schedule because of how well I worked. I was practically my own boss and I enjoyed it, so I remained faithful to the job. I didn’t mind taking the money they gave me and closed my ears to everything else. 

People did what they needed to in order to make a living and I wasn’t opposed to such things as long as I wasn’t the one doing illegal things. There was no blood on my hands. 

I couldn’t say as much about the customers I served. 

-

Every day that she came in after that she said a little bit more to me. She introduced herself to me as Dani and told me that she was twenty eight years old. Knowing that made me wonder how long she’d been coming here for. She was a regular that predated my employment by at least two years and I’d heard rumours of her since the very beginning of my time there. It wasn’t my place to ask, though I wanted to, so I kept my mouth shut.

She would always ask about me though. Not a day went by that she didn’t ask me at least one question. I never asked her any back because I knew it was wrong to want to know a stranger like her. It was best for me to keep to myself there so that was what I would do.

Sometimes she would sit at the bar and drink, other times she would move to one of the booths. It was always after she had decided she was finished. That was how she worked; time sided with her and she was the one who decided when things ended. I was alright with that considering it was not my place to be opposed. 

No matter how much we talked, how many questions she asked, how many answers I gave her with no answers in return, I never once looked up to see her face.

-

The London nightlife was something that I had gotten used to as soon as I’d moved there. Shady business deals and wild parties, bodies against bodies- it was nothing new to me. That was why I was already prepared to work the night shift and didn’t whine about it like the other bartenders. 

Dani had yet to come in by the time I got to work. I only knew that because none of the bartenders were staring dreamily at everything. They all seemed to love her and were often jealous that I was the one she chose to talk to. Apparently she only gave them her order and nothing more. 

‘ _ Why did she choose you? You have no interest in her! You don’t even look at her when you give her her drink or when she talks to you! What makes you so special?’ _

Was I supposed to tell them that there was not one thing that made me stand out?

“So you’ve talked to her?” A fellow bartender named Joon asked me skeptically. 

“Talked to who?” I replied. 

“Oh come on Jamie! Don’t make me beg for details.” 

“Ask me what you want to know or you won’t get any answers.” 

Joon sighed and began to arrange the glasses, then asked. “Danielle, Mona Lisa. You’ve talked to her before?”

I had no idea who ‘Danielle’ or ‘Mona Lisa’ was and my mind searched for someone to match those names. There wasn’t anyone that I remembered, so I simply shrugged in response.

“Don’t play dumb now,” he said, clearly starting to get annoyed with me. 

“I really don’t know who you’re talking about.” 

“There she is now.” I looked up in the direction that Joon was pointing at. Walking by the stage where live acts performed on was a beautiful woman; curled blonde hair, smooth, plush lips, and a tall frame. She was gorgeous but I had never seen her before. 

“I don’t know who she is.” 

“So it’s true; when she talks to you, you don’t even give her any attention. That’s the woman that you’re always talking to.”

“Vodka straight.” I would never understand why she gave me the name Dani when everyone referred to her as ‘Danielle’ or ‘Mona Lisa’ and I would never ask. 

“She’s a singer you know. Could’ve been a professional artist but declined, she was offered recording contracts everywhere and said no to all of them. But if the rumours are correct- her moans are even better than her singing voice.” 

Disgust swam through me at his words. “Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked, working hard to keep the venom out of my voice. 

“I thought you might want to know a few things about your friend.” 

“She’s not my friend.” 

At that time I did not know that I was content in only knowing the things that she told me. I didn’t know that everyone else’s words couldn’t have mattered less to me. I was only interested in what she had to say and I would only know her as the person she wanted to be. 

“Do you know why they call her Mona Lisa?” 

Of course I didn’t; I barely knew her, let alone knew her nicknames. It seemed like an odd one but I wouldn’t press for information.

“She’s like art: beautiful in every way, without a flaw, hand crafted. She looks like a painting. Danielle has had millions of eyes looking at her like one of the pieces painted by a master artist.”

“As in touched by one artist?” I hated myself the moment the words left my mouth. I had no right asking such an invasive thing about a stranger but I couldn’t stop myself. I was interested in Dani and yet I wanted no part of her. 

“Of course not.” There was part of me that didn’t want to believe him. Even at that time I didn’t want to hear things like that about Dani. “But there’s another reason as well. Apparently she’s been put into someone’s personal gallery.” 

“Pardon?”

“A rich senator took a liking to her. You know how those people are; possessive at best. They all like the finer things in life and it turns out that she’s one of them.”

Back then I was still naive and believed that people couldn’t belong to others. I believed that everyone was entitled to live their own life without anyone controlling them. Needless to say, I was very wrong. 

“It’s kind of like putting a beautiful painting up on a wall and allowing people to look but not touch. It’s a pity that that rule is broken all the time from what I’ve heard,” Joon sighed. “I’m shocked that you didn’t know this about her.”

“A customer is a customer.”

“Danielle isn’t just a customer. She practically lives here.”

“Does she?” I couldn’t lie and say that I wasn’t curious. But I didn’t allow myself even that small amount of curiousity. 

“Wouldn’t you want to drink your life away if you were practically owned by someone else?” 

I looked away and began doing busy work to distract myself and move away from the conversation. I was very uncomfortable with how it had turned and the way we’d both spoken about her; Dani was a person, she wasn’t a show piece. She was more than the rumours and whatever we chose to believe about her. 

"So you know now?" I grabbed a glass and poured the vodka in quickly before sliding it to her. Dani's voice leaked with a strange depression that I had never heard from her before. 

"Know what?" 

"I saw you talking to Joon. He's a gossiping bitch." 

I snickered at her comment- it was rare that someone was described so aptly. Joon wasn’t someone to be trusted, I’d realized that very soon after starting there. Behind the insult the venom was clear, the intent of her words was not lost. "I still don't know what you're referring to," I insisted in an attempt to ease her mind. 

"He didn't tell you?" I still don't understand why I felt the need to hide my knowledge from her but I decided to regardless. 

"He didn't have to. I already know you only drink vodka straight." She chuckled and I heard her gulp back the entire drink. 

"They say your alcoholic preference dictates your personal preference. I like my vodka straight- but that's not how I like my women." It was charming and oh so direct. I had always liked people that said exactly what was on their mind; that was why Dani struck a strange chord within me.

"Cute." 

"I'd prefer sexy but a compliment from you is a rarity so I'll accept it, for now." 

Little did I know that such words would soon become a defining factor in my life. 

-

Mona Lisa; one of the most famous pieces of art in history. Looked at by millions of eyes and only touched by select people. The most wondered about paintings, the secrets behind her smile and identity. But when I thought about Mona Lisa I did not think about the woman. 

I thought about the scenery behind her. The painstakingly painted landscape. I wondered about the mystery hidden behind such a woman. Where had she come from? In what landscape did she belong? I didn't want to see her that way; London's Mona Lisa. She was not that person for me because I didn't allow her such a fantasy. The portrait of her in my mind was still a blank canvas just waiting for her to splash her vision on it. 

I was the type who saw others how they wanted to be and ignored the public misconceptions; I was willing to fall into her personal misconceptions instead. I wasn’t afraid to stand in the frame and have her paint the world around me. If she wanted to be someone else around me, who was I to stop her? All I really had to do was serve her drinks and pretend to care, though pretending soon fell by the wayside. 

Though she was London’s Mona Lisa I held no interest in the outward picture. I knew there was something painted in invisible ink beneath it, something of her own making, and I would wait until she allowed me to see it. I was more than willing to dive into the invisible and explore the unseen. 

-

Over time I realized that the patrons of the bar that I worked in were all there for the same reason; to drink their sorrows away. It didn’t come as a big surprise to me but I was surprised that I didn’t notice earlier. I was always blind to the people around me because I knew that getting involved in other people’s, dangerous people's private lives was a hindrance and very risky. 

I was not like the other bartenders that were all about gossiping and getting involved. The standard for people that worked in our industry was being there to listen but not to actually care. I was not supposed to be there to help them; only to hear the problems that they couldn’t tell anyone soberly. The secrets shared over a glass of liquor were nearly sacred and forever concealed in a haze of liquid courage.

As I walked into the dimly lit bar I heard it. The sounds of angels wings hitting together, the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. I could not properly describe it. If I even tried, the words would get jumbled in my mind and lose to the sound that invaded all of my senses, seeped into my skin and sank deep inside of my body.

I knew instantly that it was Dani. 

She was singing in a different language yet I didn’t need to understand to feel the effect. The sorrow that rang through every word was clear; it was true and it made the performance one of pain. Her voice ran through my mind over and over again, a voice that would never leave me and would stay by my side long after she did. 

Without even glancing in her direction I walked over to the nearly empty bar and took my regular position. Her song ended shortly after my shift began and the cheering of the people gathered to see her overwhelmed my ears. It was an interesting situation; why did she need my attention if so many people adored her?

That was another one of the questions I would never ask. 

“Jamie.” I looked up and met my boss’ distant eyes. “You’re wanted in the VIP room.”

“Alright.” It was one of the things that I hated, being invited to the VIP room. Being called to the VIP room was always uncomfortable for me. Having to entertain the important clients that apparently had come just for me didn’t come naturally and made me very wary. I did it regardless because I had to and I didn’t complain about it because if the customer was happy, I was treated even better. 

I swallowed my pride and any reservations that I had and grabbed a bottle of vodka and one glass before walking away. 

-

“You never ask me anything.” She sounded drunk when I first walked in and I hadn’t even noticed the way her body seemed to sway. I had only given her more and more alcohol without noticing a thing. 

“Why would I?”

“There it is again. You only ask me questions that make me feel like an idiot. ‘Why would I do this?’ ‘Why would I care?’ ‘What do you think?’ They’re always so cruel.” 

“I don’t know what you want from me.” By that point it was a complete lie; I knew what she wanted from me and yet I refused to acknowledge it. She was almost like everyone else that came by looking for a quick fix to their problems by burying themselves in other people’s words. A reprieve from the sorrows of life and the problems being a person entailed naturally. What she refused to understand was that my words were not important and never would be. 

“Do you not care about me?” she asked softly, sounding more coherent and alert than she did before. It was obvious that it pained her to ask me that.

The question burned me in ways I couldn’t begin to understand. I didn’t know why she thought that I would even entertain such a thought; we had no ties to each other. I gave her the drug she was addicted to and she spoke. That was all- or at least that was what I told myself despite all of the evidence to the contrary.

“Tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it.” 

“Ask me a question. Just one and I’ll give you the answer. I just want you to ask me something, show me that you’re curious.” 

I was beyond curious when it came to her and I always would be. Curiousity was not something that could easily be erased. Asking one question and getting one answer would open up the gates of curiousity and I would’ve had to allow myself to wonder. I had made up my mind early on that I would not ask her a single thing no matter how curious I was. Even if I were dying to understand her mind I wouldn’t ask and would never get an answer. There were a few questions nagging at me that time, though, so it was difficult to bite them back. 

Why did she stay when she was wanting elsewhere?

Why did she drink her sorrow away every single day? Was there really so much sorrow in her body that she needed to come to a bar every single day?

What had made her life so unbearable? 

Why did she insist on clinging onto strangers as she was doing to me?

I denied myself that basic right to curiousity and threw such silly questions away. I wasn’t willing to bend on my ways even then. I had always been a stubborn person and that character trait seemed magnified when it came to Dani. 

“Jamie,” her voice cracked when she said it. 

It was the first time she’d ever said my name. Though it shouldn’t have mattered to me, hearing that wonderful voice from my name made it seem magical. It raised the hair on my arms and the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. 

_ More _ , I begged internally,  _ say it more. Tell me more- more, more, more.  _ I had to close my eyes briefly to not betray my longing. 

“Please? Please Jamie?” The sadness in her voice was from years of trying to keep it all hidden deep inside of herself. 

She seemed like a big star, bigger than anyone else, but the capacity her body had for holding in such deep feelings was small. Dani, not Mona Lisa, was starting to break down. Years of hiding behind that mask of painted bliss had hidden it well but even paint chipped after a while. 

She did not have much of a life outside of the dark world she was thrown into. I felt pity for her, the woman that lived behind the painting. 

Dani sighed and pulled her legs up off of the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. I didn’t look up at her at all. I didn’t want to see the look of distaste that I caused to ghost over her features. It hurt to displease her like that and I didn’t understand why, I just hated it. 

“His name is Eddie,” her voice was only a hushed whisper that I had to listen hard to hear. “We dated for a few weeks before I realized that I was… I didn’t want to go out with him anymore. We broke up but he didn’t want to let me go; he told me who he was and I realized how powerful he was.” She grabbed the glass off the table with a shaking hand. “I didn’t want a senator on my bad side, especially when I realized he was corrupt.”

“Oh.” There was nothing that I could say to her. She poured his heart out to me every day and there was nothing that I could give her in return. 

“He’s really a sweet guy- a good cook too. I think he loves me but.. I can’t love him. I’d know if he were the one for me and he’s not. I don’t feel anything when I’m with him.” 

I wanted to ask him if that was why she buried herself in alcohol and slept around. I wanted to understand but every remark I had to make came off cutting and mean. I didn’t want to hurt her because of my inability to separate her from the situation.

I was, in the end, too much of a coward to ask anything at all.

“I want to feel something but I just can’t do it. I can’t force myself to feel things that aren’t there. I care about him but not in that way,” she said and chuckled cruelly. “You must think that I’m a horrible person.” 

“I don’t have the right to judge you.”

“Who are you, Jamie?” It was a question that could’ve been answered with anything. I had no idea what she wanted me to answer with, what answers she was looking for. 

“Whoever you want me to be... I can’t be that person for you.” I stood up and ignored everything that told me to stay with her, that it was dangerous to leave her. I knew that staying any longer would only destroy the resistance that I’d built up against her and my feelings for her. 

Unbeknownst to me, Mona Lisa was crying.

-

The night had finally settled in and the bar was closed; it was too late for any of the customers to be out, and the tables were cleaned and the doors locked, when it happened. I was left alone to take stock and make sure everything was alright, the last of the employees having already left. 

I stacked the glasses neatly and put back the stray bottles, bending down to put a few of them away. The sound of hurried footsteps on the ground broke my focus and I stood up quickly. All of the doors were locked, meaning that it was someone who had managed to hide away for hours. 

I knew who that someone was before they even said a word: Dani.

“You never look at me.” Dani sounded sober but I knew otherwise. She had been drinking for the better part of the day without stopping. 

“The bar is closed.” 

“Why won’t you look at me, Jamie? Am I really that disgusting to you? Am I, the fucking Mona Lisa, so disgusting that you don’t even want to meet my eyes? Am I that repulsive?” 

We stood on different areas of the endless colour wheel but somehow managed to end up in the same colour; ominous and dark. She was incorrect in her assumptions; of course she wasn’t disgusting to me- not even a little bit, because I didn’t see her like everyone else did. I saw her as the innocent and sad girl that longed for someone, the right person, to be curious about her. To ask questions so that she could release the pent up answers within her.

Without seeing that face, only hearing her voice and the answers she gave me without being asked anything, the invisible likeness stayed hidden beneath the paint. I did not look at her because that person, so distant and vacant, so lonely and cold, so innocent and broken, was the person I loved dearly. I was in love with her and it couldn’t be denied any longer.

I had fallen in love with her from the very first time she’d given me an answer to one of the questions I held within me. That night was the first time that I broke the one rule I had promised never to break; I looked at her. 

There were tears in her wide eyes, tears that I couldn’t stand. I wanted to wipe away that sadness and replace it with whatever she wanted to be there. I wanted to erase all of the vile words and preconceived notions that existed around her, replacing them with the honesty she’d given me.

I was greedy and wanted her in her entirety. 

“Don’t cry, Dani.” I said gently.

Her lips quivered and the tears continued to fall in steady streams. 

“I wanted to look amazing when you first looked at me. Now you’re probably so disappointed in what you’ve seen.”

I didn’t tell her that I’d already seen her- I erased that vision from my mind. Instead of entertaining her thoughts like I would have usually done, I spoke against them.

“Why would I ever be disappointed in you? You’re so, so beautiful.” I watched as she ran around to the opening of the counter and made her way to where I stood. She wrapped his arms around my waist and buried her face in my neck. On pure instinct I returned her embrace and rubbed small circles into her back in order to comfort her. 

“You said that you couldn’t be that person for me. Please don’t say that again. Don’t ever say something so careless to me again; I won’t be able to stand it.” I had been waiting so patiently for that moment but never really believed I would experience it. 

“I know.” It was all that I could say to her. She looked up at me for a fraction of a second before leaning forward and kissing me with the slightest pressure. I was a fool before that point and I wouldn’t ever be again- I kissed her back and we slid down to the floor.

-

There was a Japanese writing technique called aburidashi that ninjas used to send secret messages to each other. It was words written with invisible ink on parchment that could be seen when exposed to heat. That was exactly how she seemed to be. At least that’s what she was to me. The outward appearance of Dani masked the beautiful likeness that could only be seen when heated; when she was feeling the heady mix of emotions that came with being open with me.

At that moment I was seeing the Dani that she wanted me to see, the hidden version: lidded eyes, her lips slightly open, a thin layer of sweat making her body glisten, hair a mess. She was no longer the Mona Lisa vision that everyone else got to see and touch. 

She was my private masterpiece. 

I leaned down and kissed her again, our lips sliding together softly as we touched each other. Her fingers were rough and her movements were fast; she touched me with a haste I hardly recognized. I refused to do the same thing with her- I touched her as sweetly as I could. I wanted this to last, us to last, for as long as the universe would allow. 

I would fight anyone who tried to tear us apart, be it Eddie or God himself. There was a familiarity between our bodies that spoke of destiny and I would fight to keep it. I wanted her so much, I loved her so deeply, that I was stupid with it. I wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment for eternity and to always hold her that close.

Being with her was something I would not soon forget. She had wanted me so badly, done all the right things, given me as much as I could possibly want. I could only pray that I could do the same for her.

I could hear the beating of her heart and feel her pulse strongly as though it were my own. My body created a cage for her gentle form, one that promised protection and safety from those who would do her harm. The more I kissed her and the longer I touched her, the more my need to protect her grew. She deserved someone who could love her right and despite my inexperience, I wanted to be that person for her. 

Even in my haste to touch her I tried my best not to hurt her, but she was rough herself. It seemed as though she wanted release; a release from the pain of the rest of her life. I wanted to give that to her but we both knew it would take more than me. Her problems existed deeper than that, deeper than I could reach even with this intimacy. My body ached for her as I slid down her body but I ignored it, wanting to give her all of me. 

When it was over, she looked up at me as she panted, her eyes searching my face. What she was searching for was something that I would never know. She looked for something within me that I knew wasn’t there but wanted desperately for. Dani would never be satisfied with anything, she had been through too much.

A painting that held the image of a girl that was washed away with the sea of alcohol that she had tried to hide away in, slowly drowning. I wished that I could save her but at that point I knew that she was beyond reach even for me. My long fingers, no matter how far they were extended, were not enough then. I feared they never would be, but I crushed that fear down until it was no longer screaming in my mind, so that I could love her more.

-

“It’s a paint thinner,” she said softly as I poured her her signature drink. “The vodka, I mean.”

“Is it?” I had suspected as much from her but never said a thing about it. 

“That’s why I always drink it. It thins the paint on Mona Lisa.” Even when she said it that name was not good by any means. It made me think of everything that I disliked; everything that she’d been through and would continue to go through as long as she continued living that life. 

Our habits and routine had not changed despite the new personal level we had reached. She still came in every day and got a vodka straight, still gave me tidbits of answers to questions I hadn’t asked, made me love her even more with each passing day. 

I learned to listen to the changes in her tone: it went up when she was particularly excited or sarcastic, flat when she was bored and far deeper when she was upset. I learned to use those signs to my advantage; I also learned that she had built up a high tolerance for the strong vodka and didn’t have the stomach for much else.

I had tried many different alcohols with her over that time and she had had horrible reactions to most of them. Dani could only drink vodka because she was a creature of habit. 

It seemed as though she had a habit for building up a tolerance for things she didn’t like by doing them over and over again. She had become used to the looks of strangers and their catcalls by practicing that very habit. I hated that she had to do such things but didn’t say anything about it. 

Though not much about us had changed there were a few things that had. One of the most important was the amount of attention I had to give her. If I even went an hour without looking at her or talking to her, she would get upset with me. 

Dani was used to being looked at so when I ignored her it threw her for a loop and she didn’t like that feeling. She wanted my attention in the worst way. 

Being who she was, Dani was hungry for the spotlight that was in my eyes. Sometimes I did not look at her at all and she would get angry, ask for me in the VIP room and complain at me. She often threw himself at me just to prove that she was still wanted. 

I loved that girl who was so desperate to be seen, to be loved and cherished. 

-

“There is a very important guest coming in today,” my boss said as he briefed all of us. We had been called into an early morning meeting just to talk about one person that was coming in. “He’s going to get here sometime tonight and I want everyone to be working at their best pace possible without a flaw. We have appearances to keep up and I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

“Is he really that important?” A waitress named Cindy asked in a confused tone. She was one of the people that didn’t understand exactly who came through the doors of our workplace.

“More important than anyone in London.” 

“A government official?” 

A bartender in the corner chuckled. “Right on the money, honey. Our favourite Senator.” 

“Eddie?” I immediately sat up straighter as my brain recalled that name. It was the one that Dani had told me about- the one that had given her the name Mona Lisa. 

I hated someone that I had never laid eyes on. It was foreign to actually hate a person, especially someone that I was required to treat nicely. It was then that I knew I had changed. It was also when I realized that the place that she and I kept to ourselves, where she was herself with me, was going to be tainted. 

Dani would not be mine- she would be London’s Mona Lisa before my eyes once more. 

-

She walked in beside him, and Eddie inspected the bar visually. It looked as though the sea of people in the bar parted just for them. It bothered me to see Dani putting on that fake smile over and over again. 

It wasn’t fair. 

I could feel her eyes on me but refused to look up. I knew that she would not be coming to sit at the counter, a waiter or waitress would come to collect their orders soon enough. There was no contact needed that night. Her eyes were burning holes into my skin and practically begging me to look up and meet them but I would not do such a thing.

That night I was a bartender and she was a high paying customer, nothing more and nothing less. I refused to care about the man’s hands that were exploring her body. I refused to want her and stomped on my yearning for her. By that point I was stomping on my own heart and it hurt to do it, but that moment was proof of the necessity of it. 

_ She will never be yours _ , my mind hissed at me.  _ She has a place where she belongs and it is not with you. _

“Two gins; one straight and one on the rocks.” I knew that it was for the two of them but I also knew that Dani could not drink gin. She would ache and throw up after drinking it. Regardless of that I filled their glasses and gave the waiter their orders faster than ever before. 

I lifted my eyes slightly and watched as the waiter put the drinks on their table, Dani taking it immediately. I knew that she had made a mistake as soon as she took the first sip. Her beautiful face twisted uncomfortably and she visibly cringed, shifting away from Eddie ever so slightly. I wanted to go over to her so badly but I couldn’t move from my post for very obvious reasons.

Watching her in such pain, I wondered if I would be able to last the night.

-

“Jamie.” Dani begged as I cleaned. She had stayed around after Eddie had left and decided to take it upon herself to try and fix whatever she felt was broken. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not,” I replied evenly. 

“Do you think that I can’t tell? You’re mad at me and I don’t want you to be.”

“I said that I’m not mad at you.” 

She bit her lip before continuing, “Let’s stop fighting now.” 

“Who says we’re fighting?” 

“You’re doing it again. Asking questions that mirror my words so that you don’t have to say anything for real. I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore.” 

“Everything is fine, Dani.” 

She suddenly pushed me into the wall and began to unbutton my shirt. I closed my eyes as she kissed my skin, asking for forgiveness in the only way she knew how. I sighed and tried my best to push her away. “Stop it.”

“I’m sorry Jamie. Don’t be mad at me anymore,” she pleaded. She didn’t need to ask for my forgiveness, there was nothing to forgive. 

I had been jealous, not angry. It wasn’t her fault that she had to do things like that. I could blame everyone else but her. “You know it’s not him. You know he doesn’t mean anything to me,” she said frantically. I hated myself for being cruel to her for even a second.

“It’s okay,” I assured her. She began to cry gently against my chest. I was surprised by the sudden change in atmosphere.

“He wants to marry me.” 

My entire body went cold at her words. Her hands gripped my shirt as he cried, but I could not bring myself to hold her.

“He wants to move away with me and get married before the next election.” 

My hands were plastered to my sides, I could not touch her. “What do you want me to say?” I asked. 

“Don’t do that, don’t put that on me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“How am I supposed to feel?”

“Just once, Jamie! I want to hear you tell me how you feel just once and everything will be settled. Tell me that you don’t want me to go, tell me that you need me here, tell me that you want to see me every day, tell me you feel the same way that I do.” 

All of the words that should’ve come out of my mouth died in my throat. I could not give her what she wanted. What she was searching for in me was never going to be found. 

“I’m sorry.” It was all that could come out at that time. Again, my words failed me. She pounded her fists weakly against my chest and thrashed wildly. I knew that it was best to let her get it out before I did anything. It gave me time to decide what I was going to do. 

“I.. I love you Jamie!” she shouted. I watched as she began to cave in, the canvas beginning to tear. She stopped hitting me and covered her face with her hands. “I love you so damn much.”

“Dani.” 

“Do you not feel anything for me at all? Is that why you disregard me so much? Am I a nuisance to you and you’re happy that I’m leaving?”

“Stop jumping to conclusions.”

“What am I supposed to do when you won’t tell me anything?” 

I threw away all of my rules and took her in my arms. The relief I felt when she sagged against me instead of fighting was immense. “Do you really think that I have no feelings for you at all? Am I a monster?” I kissed the top of her head gently. “I love you too.” 

-

It took awhile for me to realize that our relationship didn’t exist in the outside world. Everything we had done had happened within the confines of the building. She and I had never once met outside of the bar and I knew that we never would. Neither of us had much of a life. 

We sat side by side on the roof of the building and watched as the city began to wake up. As their day was beginning ours was ending- but so much more than the day would end. Whatever dreams I hung onto back then were the dreams of a foolish soul. 

I still don’t know what I hoped for when it came to her. 

She leaned her head against my shoulder and I tried my best to be a support for her. All of her worries had suddenly been piled around me as well. 

“If you could choose to be one famous painting, what would it be?” It was a strange question but Dani was a strange woman. It didn’t take much to understand why she was asking such a thing at that time. We weren’t supposed to be wasting words and she had made sure to get every last one out. 

“I wouldn’t want to be one.”

“Why not?”

“I’d want to be an artist that painted a beautiful painting,” I said faintly.

“Why?” 

I looked straight ahead as I answered her. “Because living the life of a painting- admired or not- would be a very lonely existence.” 

She let out a fluttering sigh that made something inside of me twist. It was ending all around us, our entire microscopic world tearing apart. It hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before and I wanted nothing more than to stand up and scream until my lungs bled. 

“At least you understand.” We remained quiet, only the hurt between us keeping our bodies warm. “He needs me.” 

_ I need you too. _ I refused to say something so pathetic when I knew it wouldn’t do anything. It couldn’t change the situation, it would only cause the one I loved to pity me. What could be worse than that? I would not show how much pain I was in; it would only cause much more than there already was. I did not want to suffer anymore and I did not want her to suffer either. 

“I know.” I understood her words so completely but didn’t want to. That was my curse; the ability to understand. There was a more difficult reality that needed to be understood by everyone else.

Though the sun was coming up and things were getting warmer, even if I could’ve harnessed all of the sun’s energy and heat onto her, I still wouldn’t have been able to bring that invisible likeness back. That Dani was already too far gone and hidden beneath the thick layers of paint. I would never be able to bring such a beautiful thing back to me. Dani was no longer someone that loved me or that I could love.

Mona Lisa was not allowed to love.

-

She did not return. 

Soon enough the whispers of ‘Danielle’ or ‘Mona Lisa’ started to fade and became a distant memory. It was enough for the people around to hear of the woman with the beautiful voice, the woman that was like art, to keep their memories alive. Some chose to forget, to erase her. 

I was not one of those people. 

I did not have the choice to erase her from my mind, wash the paint from my hands. I could not do that no matter how hard I tried. She was there, forever burned into every inch of me. 

Like art in a museum she was carefully archived in my mind. I kept her alive with every beat of my heart. I would never forget that girl that wanted to be loved more than anyone else, that needed someone to keep her warm when the vodka wore off. I still did not allow myself to wonder about her. 

I did not look up when working, terrified that my mind would finally realize that I would never meet those eyes again. I would never hear her questions or her pleas. I would never hear her call my name and I would never get to ask her a question. 

Why did you choose me?

A blank white sheet was thrown over the half done piece of artwork, covering it completely. I was not an artist and I could not finish that painting no matter how much it pained me to see it incomplete: not with the focus missing. 

When art is stolen, you realize it’s true value. Even such a piece had no dollar amount attached to it; London’s Mona Lisa was stolen and we all knew it would never be returned. 

All I could do was set out a vodka straight vigil and hope for the impossible; my invisible masterpiece would leave the private gallery she was in, walk into the bar and ask me a question. I would never miss a moment to glance at her and I would be ready to answer anything she wanted to ask and maybe, just maybe, I would ask a question of my own. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you enjoyed please feel free to comment or give kudos, they mean the world to me <3 also I recently remade my tumblr so please follow me there [@fakehaunting](https://fakehaunting.tumblr.com/)


End file.
